and then i metamorphasized

hi all.

am having some very curious sensations called cramps emanating from my rear end. mainly the right side cos the surgeon inserted, romoved, inserted the colonoscope 4 times to check the right side thoroughly. hence the indescribable pain i experienced this afternoon owing to an apparently dysfunctional batch of dormicum and pethidine. oh well i don't really blame him, cos he wanted to be really sure that i wasn't a carrier of "Ze Leaky Colon Syndrome". well thankfully i'm not afflicted with the abovementioned disease, haha. and now we rule out IBS, Crohn's and all that not, so... it's a 2 way thing. On one hand we're certainly very thankful that we're not looking at a long term colon disease, but on the other we are faced with the need to address the pressing concern over the recurrent abscesses fuilled with colon-bacteria and we simply have no idea what causes it or how to treat it completely. So now all we can do is to drain it when it happens. Which means scars, a lot a lot of pain, hospitalizations and physical and emotional trauma.

which i used to take really well, but nowadays i seem to lose the ability to control what i think, much less what i do.

nonetheless, we've started a regime of very strong antibiotics to combat the bacteria now, once the 2 abscesses that formed this week are fully healed we'll cut the doses and sustain for 8 weeks. thereafter we'll monitor and start strong antibiotics again for the entire A level period, to manage the abscesses before they form. and after the a levels i may have to do some more tests and deal with the probability that i may face more operations. this is cos antibiotics treatments cannot last long cos the bacteria start getting resistant to it and thereafter refuse to respond to the treatment. which is, unfortunately, already the case right now. i only have 2 effective types of antibiotics left against the bacteria and i'm taking one now. the surgeon says the other type we'll leave for when this one becomes ineffective as well.

remember i once said that e coli are funny cute things? well i HATE them now, i really do. they're ruining my life. *stops typing to cry for a while*

sigh. i'm so bloody traumatised. grrr. the pain and the scars and all... sometimes i think, why is it that i'm like that? did i like do bad stuff in my last life? you know... after a while when even the doctors are all stumped you start thinking the fault is yours, that you're too fat, too stupid, too whatever.

well no time to moan and groan and mope, that's for sure. 1 week to prelims and 1 month to a levels. let's clear it and we'll see...

i'm going to need a lot of luck for this tough fight.*squeezes eyes together to teeny pinpricks trying to squeeze all the luck out of my pores and collect into a jar to safekeep*