horrific, horrific, and nothing beats it

hello all.

currently quite morose cos am experiencing pain. pain as in the Reichter Scale 8.9 kind of intensity and flea-infestation of the hugu madwoman kind of irritating-ness.

Due to the constraints of LA, which made me scream into my shirt cos i honestly though i was about to expire from sheer agony on the operating table, we only managed to drain 40mls of pus (ok so that's quite a lot) but couldn't probe or flush. henceforth when i reached home and awoke from the opiate-and-sedative-induced sleep i discovered my dressing soaked through like a war veteran's gunshot wound. so i looked for the dressing tray and valiantly stood up, grit my teeth and changed the dressing myself. which involved intense pain and a lot of hokkien swearing when it came to the centre part where the stuffed gauze stuck to the padding gauze. anyway for those uninitiated to dressings, it's just a helluva lot of suffering trying to separate the part of gauze inside your body from the part outside your body. i had to squeeze saline and chlorhexidine over the padding, which made the blood drip onto the floor and all over me. and after the separation the stuffed gauze bled uncontrollably which ended up with me cursing in pirate language and using up 4 packets of sterile gauze just to try to soak up the drippings.

anyway abscess blood is different from normal blood in that it looks darker, has a more viscous consistency, and coagulates almost immediately upon dripping onto the floor. why is this mentioned? cos i had to kneel and swipe gloomily at the bloodspots all over the floor for a long time after i finished the dressing simply because they all clotted. so brilliant.

am having a colonoscopy on wed, hopefully the poor man finds something. this funny disease of mine has stumped the best surgeon in Singapore. not funny. today he told my dad that ever since this thing recurred last week or so he has been thinking nonstop everyday about my case, which kind of induces white hair growth or something as my mum postulates. so i hypothesize further that my gp and surgeon must both stock bigen hair dye at home in cartons cos i dun see any white hair. or maybe it's in the lower strata and i didn't look hard enough, haha. so we link heightened systemic cortisol levels to reduction in melanin production in hair roots, which necessitates the purchase of more hair dye. which means increased demand for bigen hair dye and increases the price of the dye provided supply remains constant. this creates demand-pull inflation. oh my gosh. someone please shoot me before i start linking this to biochemical processes involving nucleic acids.

i'm so stressed by my continued sporadic attendance of school, which has led to jess reporting that ong and chua recommend deferment. i vehemently oppose that because i don't want my efforts to go down the drain. honestly i don't drag my abscessy, pain-ridden body to school just to be told that i ought to retain.

oooh yes this reminds me. i had a really vivid, scary nightmare! hoho. i strongly suspect that my extreme exhaustion has led my brain to present altered consciousness in sleep haha! *_* well anyway it has 2 parts. the first was about how there was a sudden admin change in sch and that all the students were locked up in the grounds and the tutors were having evening brainwash sessions in the hall, which i happened to sneak in on and discover. well people were trying to escape but all inevitably got caught and were subjected to punishment, one of which was a gigantic merry go round that whipped the person 360 degs in midair. hehz. well i ran in the chinese high direction, and was promptly chased by a whole legion of zombie tutors, and i had to cross this carpark with endless number of grass slates which i had to jump over. how i suddenly attained such athletic prowess i don't know, but eventually i reached tchs and hid and ran intermittently over a number of days with the horrendous form tutor chasing me. somehow a few of us all made it to escape from them, and we ran over to a steamboat restaurant to celebrate. the funny thing was that the whole neighborhood was deserted, like they already gained control of the entire city. but midway through our meal we got caught by pang the discipline master so we were forced to ride bicycles that needed pushing back to school. i distinctly remember one of my classmates michelle being on one of those bikes, and i was pushing her.

i guess i woke up blearily at this point in time due to pain, and the 2nd instalment began. it was this ultra surreal, huge welcome party where all the brainwashed tutors coerced the students to pay obeisance to the newly invested female principal, and the hall where it took place was my primary sch hall. anyway there was a Q&A session after the celebrations and everyone clambered towards the stage to ask questions to the principal cos if she chose to answer your question you get an out-of-campus pass, which was like super lucrative to all of us imprisoned students. so i thought of a question and queued up to ask. caryn, who was next in line after me, suddenly asked me how to ask questions effectively. i can't remember what i told her, but then it was my turn and i went up and sat down and sat primly and the red curtains drew open and all the audience downstage were looking up at me expectantly. so i asked the principal how she intended to promote and expand the school brandname over the years and to shenzhen, china and suddenly there was a mass hysteria and everyone started running out of the hall and the zombie tutors had no control over us all. my form tutor came out and tried to stop the principal from continuing to answer my question cos apparently it led to the downfall of the zombie control. i took the chance to run and met my econs tutor in the corridor and she told me that i saved everyone and that she was only pretending to be brainwashed. and we went past this old tutor (i think it's my disgusting gp tutor) and my econs tutor accused her of laughing at the downfall of the master (who was the principal) and she kept saying no and begging for mercy.

and then i woke up, drenched in cold sweat not so much from pain than from sheer horror, cos i realise that in reality this could be true.

the pain is intensifying, and i have an essay to complete for the witch. i'm so tempted not to do it at all.