slowly healing

i realise what i needed was not "we really care about you" comments.
i realise what i need, to subsist, to survive this crisis, as an 18 year old lost in a mountain (and growing, and engulfing) of problems, is friends.

i don't refer to those who find me a pest.
i don't refer to those who think that diabetes is contagious.
i don't refer to those who think i ought to apologise because i'm feeling horrible and can't be nice to them all the time.
i don't refer to those to turn to me in blind tear-filled panic when they are plagued by problems, only to cast me aside and tell me to "get over it, la" when i need some comfort and counsel.

i don't refer to hypocrites.

feeling ever so poorly, but still miraculously healed and lifted to bouyancy, to some semblance of normal life, to the shadow of the person that i was previously, the healthy, happy, contented and kindly serene tan that everyone knew.

thank you, my dearest and ever-the-most treasured HUDDLECLIQUES.

for sacrificing your day's activities (many of which are very important, i know) to accompany a grouchy me.
for coercing me to turn up at city hall, regardless of how s***ified i felt, no matter how i ranted, and scolded, and refused to cooperate. for threatening to set up a teepee at city hall mrt if i don't turn up, even as your sanity and legal freedom rested in my hands.
for holding me tight, for saying all the right things again, for letting me feel that i exist, and for a reason.
for not abandoning me.
for treating me as i was, as i am, without the diseases, without the nastiness, as a friend, a true friend, such that naturally in 30 minutes i found myself smiling, for the first time in 2 days, and laughing at a corny joke, in 3 days.
for not telling me to "go away, cheer up, get over it and stop bugging us with your stupid diseases and problems".
for letting me know that i am not choosing to be ill, and that i ought to be cheered up, not to cheer up by myself, by rotting and mourning and grieving at home, all alone.
for being there. just there.

i've never felt how acutely these special people feature in my life until today, when i'm stricken with multitudes of diseases and everyone else i that i knew (or thought i had known) are treating me as if i have ebola.

I AM VERY PROUD TO SAY THAT I AM A SUBSIDIARY OF HUDDLECLIQUES CORP., established Jun 2005.
I am very proud to say that with the help of friends who truly care, i am healing.



slowly, but surely, i am starting to feel like myself again.