mugging capacity = <0.0000005%

been less than focussed on my work recently... tend to find lazy reasons not to sit down for a good chapter of germs, brain or drugs. managed to pry myself from the google box just now for an hour of self-enrichment in neuroscience... i think you guys can guess the outcome. oh well at least i know about 5 pages of neuroscience more than, maybe, 2 people in med fac??? *shrilly* aaargh. intense frustration at my ineptitude, not because i wasn't given the opportunity or chance to, not because i lack the resources to, but because i'm a stumbling block to my own progress! sigh. have to paste reading resolutions list on my forehead and walk around blowing a shard of scrap paper before me. haha :D anyway. i think i'm just particularly inertia-rich when it comes to topics i deem bland or tedious... it's quite apparent, actually. i mean, see. i'm at chapter 2 of pharmaco and chapter 6 of microb... and page 5 of freaking neuroscience. haha. there's DEFINITELY a direct correlation between my perception of a subject and my conscientiousness towards it. ah, the fallibility of humans... is discrimination and bias the root of failure? nah... that's simplifying things beyond their base forms. sorta like telling a man that why he's a down-and-out wino, stranded on the cold streets and left to shame in public, is cos he's short, or bald, or whatever. not that any of these physical characteristics are derogatory to a person's character in any way... in fact, i think a bald pate heralds an astonishingly high IQ in the bearer. haha. refer to previous posts about my surgeon and doctor for this claim... :D oh well. and i'm a typical female, deemed to be fickle-minded and flighty by virtue of the double X in my haplotype - i virtually bounced around my patho book looking for nice little disease states that i could identify with or am familiar with. haha.
tomorrow marks the start of a fresh attempt at brushing up my acedemic performace! i think it'd be a real shame if i didn't make good use of this holidays to work hard, cos i'm not gifted or talented unlike so many in med fac... i will fail miserably if i were to study a week before any exams! haha :D i'm the kind who needs a month at least to prepare, so there's no reason at all why i should indulge myself this hols and let my brain vegetate completely... actually it's been rotting for a long time now, just that i adamantly refuse to acknowledge that fact haha :D oh well. i'll preserve whatever i can and salvage whatever is left, and whatever is irretrievably, irrevocably gone, i sell as bio-friendly manure :D good source of income, considering the sheer amount i have of it, and that i can't do any botany without sending some poor plant to its untimely death.
was just daydreaming just now. actually i'm more than a bit apprehensive about the upcoming mission trip, not least because i feel that God is trying to tell me something by planting someone close to me. i know He hears my prayers, but whether this is His answer to me, i don't know. i can only continue to pray and seek His will. but being the daydreamy little girl that i'm wont to be (when i'm not preoccupied with being attila the hun) i abandoned by cerebral thoughts and sought refuge in the encapsulating comfort of fantasies.

scene: in a park, on a wooden bench, facing the verdant stretch of grass still wet with morning dew beneath their feet and the still, obsidian waters of the mini pond in the park. boy turns to face girl, who has a small clump of little red flowers in her hands, the type we used to pull off the bushes to suck their sap when we were young.

boy: i've fallen for you.
girl: oh... *looks shyly at her feet*
boy: do you... do you like me?
- in his heart, he's dying of anxiety and anticipation, fear of rejection and embarrassment. more than anything, he's wondering why he's worked up the guts to say such a thing, and he wants desperately for her to answer, but she wouldn't. -
a silent moment passes. it's starting to get a little awkward, with the girl blushing and pointedly refusing to answer his question, and the boy feigning nonchalence when his very soul is quivering inside.
without warning, she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. it was less than 2 seconds, but the warm, dry, chaste and shy kiss seems engraved permanently on the boy, who finds himself dumb, both literally and figuratively, by the move.
girl: actually... i've fallen for you a long time ago...

haha. i wrote it in chinese and pasted it on my daiso cork board... it sounds more poetic in chinese. i'm a sucker for day to day romanticism... not valentine's day 99 roses and all. it's little moments like these that are etched in my heart and remain as memories that i carry of my past relationships... and moments like these that i yearn for in my future relationships.

God, if you read my blog, please please please answer me with this mission trip... :)