a bit of here. faraway, there.

i like whimsical stuff.

that's not to say i live with my head in the clouds and my feet floating somewhere 5000m above sea level. (LEH does, though. go ask her how much her serum GH is :D) i like to ESCAPE into little bits of fantasies sometimes to ESCAPE from the ugliness of life which is in itself an ESCAPE, cos i'm turning a blind eye to the much more starkly both-exhilarating-yet-morbidly-fascinating-and-turns-you-off-like-a-twitching-roach-in-the-middle-of-a-squishy-pus-like-egg-tart reality.

there's reality, and then there's reality. reality when we discuss how much work we have to do to maintain our standard of living. and yet i still bitch at my father for not being able to pay for my uni education when i should be kissing his feet for subjecting himself to physical and mental torment 6 days a week in the army, putting up with the narcissistic fools who look barely old enough to be his sons and their ridiculously demeaning, derogatory, persecuting, discriminatory and worst of all SUPERCILIOUS commands, to give us this comfortable 5 room flat. my mother commands us to suck him dry. the training i had since young to suffer the eccentricities of my parents have taught me to do otherwise. but thankfully now, at least i don't cry anymore.
reality when i flush the 200 bucks i've just earned, with much bitching and complaining, into the drain with a grandoise flourish for the 2 little rodents currently cohabiting with me.
reality, because i am lonely and i'm so loser that i talk to rodents.

there's reality, and it hurts so much. but once we adapt to its constant oppression, the lacrimal glands get suppressed and we're more or less oblivious to the initial pain.

there's also reality. it comes in the form of people whose bank acounts have quite a bit of moolah and they deliberate for 3 hrs in a LV flagstore on which of the pureskin bags to buy. their sharp eyes and stunningly clear peripheral vision for branded goods fail to capture the obese lady in flowery sleeveless shirt sitting forlornly outside the store on the sidewalk across the road, touting a mat of vegetables that look as withered as she does. of course, such hoi polloi is NEVER allowed near the privileged stratosphere of the debutantes and taitais, so the fact that she's sitting SO FAR AWAY ought to be sufficient justification for them to be blessedly ignorant of the ugliness of life.

i think i'm raised on the fear of losing all that i have.
i think i will die with the fear of losing all that i have.
perhaps, on the day i die, my fear will be realised.

i don't really care.
i have so many friends, acquaintances, people whom i've come into contact with. if i were to pile guilt onto myself each time i come across a weepy case, i'd be committed to woodbridge faster than you can say SIAO AH. i read that the profile of such persons tend towards depressive-manic. (makes sense) they also fall into the high risk group for addiction to depressants (benzodiazepines, morphine and its analogs etc). ESCAPISM.

it features a lot in our lives. the arty farty group, too. so many, escaping into the cocoon of ignorance and pretense. ruining themselves inside out by putting a black blind over their eyes and bashing their hearts against a poisoned bar.

thank God for chantilly and dominique. but i think dominique is a trifle too flighty to be truly receptive to what i have to say to him - scampering up my arm at the speed of light seems to be what he does best. he shies away from receiving treats, too. he's rather pick up the sunflower seeds after i drop them, preferring to sniff daintily at those i hold in my hand than pick them up. perhaps he's gay. perhaps he's acting out the rich-poor divide just to amuse my philosophical mind. chantilly's another thing altogether. she's averse to being left alone - climbing up the bars and imitating spiderman is what she does when i bring dominique out of the cage. and she squeaks. and she's so horny that dominique squeals when she approaches him from behind. i believe this young lady has a long way to go from celibacy, so i hold firm to my stand that this pair shall soon be parents to a great big litter of babies. if any of you would like hamsters for pets, come look for me. i have a membership to the pet lover's centre franchise chain, and of course, in due time, i shall have the hamsters as well. i promise that if you prove a competent and responsible owner, i shall give the babies to you FOC :D

i'm due to go out to meet quite a number of people today, but first and foremost - my 5min rock hard cookies need to be churned out for the gastronomical benefit of prof, who is a trifle annoyed with me for emailing him NON STOP about my attachments. haha. i apologise and offer penance on the form of sugar loaded treats. i'm also returning to the lab to work for a month or so, depending on the work allocation come 7th may. there is something else of interest to me in the lab. knw knows... haha :D it's too early to speculate, but i sincerely wish something fruitful comes out of my next stint there - be it academic or otherwise.

chalet details: stayover on the night of 7th july, sat. cos the chalet's booked from 7-9th jul, and i have to be at FOC camp bright and early on the 9th (hello? i'm part of the comm, so yeah.) so the only feasible date for stayover is 7th. meaning a free-for-all potluck-BBQ-whatever night of socialising, partying and general wasting in the chalet on the 7th for all my friends. (i'll limit the alcohol allowed - i don't really appreciate cleaning puke off the sofa, table, bowls, toilet, sink... on my birthday.) but there'll be some -OH around, so don't worry. it won't be some idiotic baby food party with mashed peas :D will have a theme. not something elaborate of course. but it should be fun. will disseminate an email to everyone by means of invitation, when i decide on the theme.

righto. gotta plunk the blasted cookies into the oven and go bathe. lots of things to do today and too little time, i'm afraid :P

ahhh! before i forget. important - CONGRATULATIONS to LEH on the completion of your exams. and KNW and PAMMIE: jiayou! it's really gonna end really really soon! hang in there! :D