instead of diligently wreaking my distal phalanges by pecking spasmodically on the keyboard for the magazine article, i'm blogging.
spent this weekend completely unproductively, eyes riveted upon the TV screen which was sending out, at 45minute intervals, episodic re-runs of War and Beauty. the uber-popular (a season ago) HK period drama chock-full of indescribably beautiful women wrapped like chicken pita tortillas in a sparingly thin carpet whilst being delivered to sleep with the emperor. i admired neither plot nor acting skills of the strong cast (for this drama series, both male and female leads won the respective prizes for the annual HK film festival) - instead, i drooled shamelessly over the irrefutably breathtaking costumes. as a child, i've never failed to be enthralled to awed silence by women's clothing that is deeply, unapologetically drenched in periodic drama and opulence. victorian garb is amazingly beautiful, the lace details an intricate web of dark deceit and a malevolent facade of demure innocence. elizabethan collars and farthingales intrigued me and held me captive for hours as i imagined court ladies sweeping regally and doll-like through the gilded arched entrances into glaringly lit ballrooms where princes of noble birth waited to kiss their perfumed and gloved hands. but most of all, i was entranced, in this drama, by the purity of the untained white fur muffs the court ladies held during winter. white has always held an inexplicable spell over me ever since i discovered the magic in a simple bowl of vanilla ice cream, in the soft breezing caresses of a pure white woolen towel, in the sheer heartstopping beauty of an unadulterated snowscape. white is magic - the universal language of purity, of innocence, of virtue, of virginity, of submission. of the last, i'm certain, lies the interest of more than a few men. i've heard of an urban legend spun from myth that mothers whisper to their bridal daughters on the wedding day: to wear white lace lingerie to bed on the nuptial night. it has been wildly speculated that men desire nothing more than to receive their maiden brides in a teasingly ironic spare garment of white, that they may henceforth lay claim on their wives by marking territory over the once white but now sullied lingerie of the virgin. this legend goes on from generation to time eternal, but as society grows one cannot but notice that brides nowadays would be no more likely a virgin on the night of marriage than any other random girl u'd care to pick from the streets (about 50% chance, that is, according to a very recent street survey of 227 school-going singaporeans), and that the preferred colour of intense seduction is now red and black, in varying ratios and area distribution (on the body, that is). i don't speak from personal experience, but suffice it to say that i'm well-heard on stuff like that. once again, one need not know how i know such unspeakable things... :D yet again, i feel that since physical intimacy is a phase of human life, let's face it. for myself, being a Christian, i hold true to the biblical truth that any woman who lays with a man before marriage is an adulteress and a sinful woman, so i'd rather withhold animal pleasure momentarily till marriage than be sent to a hot fiery place after death. (and that place doesn't sell buffalo wings, alright?)

been pondering how i haven't been performing for CA1. the crux of the problem lies in the fallacy of immortality - i've never thought i'd scrap passes. so now that the truth has faced me point-blank, i'm going to work hard. i'm really going to work very hard indeed. and i pray that God will just hear my prayers for Him to grant me peace of mind and discipline to do what i've set out to do. i also pray for friends, i thank God for friends He has granted me, for they have indeed shared in my woes and prayed for me even in my times of need and despair. and indeed, even as i step out and embark on volunteerism, working with patients on a firsthand basis, i pray that God will use this opportunity so powerfully as a guide for me to come back on the path that leads me to the fulfilment of my childhood dream. oh Lord to come and make me a doctor, even as i promise to work hard from now till the end of the exams. from today onwards... no more nonsense and gallivanting, no more excuses to watch tv, no more slacking. full steam ahead... no distraction shall take me from my promise, by the power of God. if i were to ask God to relinquish my enemies, as david's psalms so frequently beseech God to do, i pray that laziness and empty envy be entirely submissive to the Lord, that i will no longer fall under their evil charms to stray from my focus. Amen! :)

and also that i will have the chance to live out alvin's advice to me: to love for true love, not for a love borne of physical tension and empty reassurance, to love as though that love could tear me apart.

i believe he is the world's happiest man, and that his girlfriend the world's luckiest young lady. to live in the testimony of such unconditional love is indeed remarkable, especially in today's world of scepticism and distrust.