food diary keeping makes me depressed.

stuffed full of food. let's test my temporal lobe and see if it's still functioning :D

breakfast: a cup of milk in the green tupperware cup that i like a lot. one of those funky stale dry flaky uber sweet lotus seed filling gardenia buns that my dad "koped" from camp.
lunch: din tai fung delicacies. golden short grain rice cooked to springy, chewy perfection, coated individually with a thin cloak of egg, and seasoned generously with pepper and salt. garnished with jade coils of spring onion (or what the westerners call shallots) and topped with 6 succulent strips of fried pork chop. beautifully wrapped thin-skinned wantons in a piquant soup, each jealously guarding a pregnant load of chives, minced meat and spring onions behind the fragile walls of flour. a round of their signature xiaolongbaos. another round of their super signature and uber chaoji super incredibly tasty xiefen xiaolongbaos (meaning it comes with savoury, juicy crab roe that gives an explosion of the taste of the sea with each bite). -oh goodness. just describing it gives me such a high! :D- and 2 funny baos that had thick, chewy, almost obnoxious, skin, and very juicy fillings of meat and more meat. handmade noodles with beef stew. the meat and tendons MELTED in my mouth - i practically made no use of my lateral and medial pterygoids... the intense cooking did all the work of mastication for me. yam filled xiaolongbaos. hot, astringent chinese tea. brief discourse for shopping, after which i had a mouthful of oh-ah mee-sua, lots of fried chicken cutlet strips, and fried tempura (taiwan style). i STILL haven't figured out why they call it tempura, since i see no batter, no filling, and the very delicious thing that's masquerading as a tempura tastes more like molten konnyaku jelly in a flour coating and covered head to toe in paprika powder and salt.
dinner: beef fried rice, a piece of KFC chicken left over from yesterday's party, a few popcorn chicken bits, and 5 tutu kueh.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh mannnnnnnnnnnn.

i am SO going swimming at 7am tml.

mannnnnnnn.

be very happy when u read this!

honestly. if you're feeling low, shitty, generally lethargic or found that you had great difficulty in bowel movements in the past 10 millenia, please do not do this test.

otherwise, quick! type in your name and laugh yourself sick :D

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Serene!

1. All swans in England belong to serene!
2. Serene can turn her stomach inside out.
3. Some birds use serene to orientate themselves during migration.
4. Serene is often used in place of milk in food photography, because milk goes soggy more quickly than serene.
5. Japan provides over thirty percent of the world's serene supply!
6. Apples are covered with a thin layer of serene!
7. The water in oceans is four times less salty than the water in serene.
8. Serene can sleep with one eye open.
9. Serene is the only one of the original Seven Wonders of the World that still survives!
10. Serene has often been found swimming miles from shore in the Indian Ocean.

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

back from the dead!

boos. nana was KO-ed for the past 2 days with weird, downright weird, symptoms. which included being in a state of suspended limbo (wrt brain) and complete marrionette-mimicry (wrt body). i guess the most fascinating part was on Monday, when i discovered what it feels like to be completely, utterly, shittifiedly drunk out of one's mind - i managed to get an elbow's grasp out of the yawning chasm called comatose-like sleep in the afternoon and was fully intent on getting a drink of water from my desk before going back to sleep. the amazing thing was, despite the very sullen fact that my water bottle was sitting demurely on the desk approximately 5m from my bed, i was unable to reach it. by that i didn't mean i was trying valiantly, albeit stupidly, to grasp it while still sitting on my bed. no no no... *wags finger for good measure* nana is a very rational person who knows her hand will never be long enough to reach the table from the bed no matter how many bowls of elastin-and-collagen-packed-ramen she wolves down, so nana got up from bed to get to the desk.
to be honest, i feel that "got up from bed" is quite a stretch from the real thing. reality: TRIED to get up from bed, but realised after about 1 minute later that my knees were perpetually bent and wobbly and my feet were flopping ineffectually in all directions on the floor. it's the world's strangest sensation, really. one bit of my brain was still stuck somewhere in loolabyland, in some funky white mist, and a furry little bit that was actually conscious was struggling in vain to wrench control of my limbs. and thereafter i suppose it gave up, because the next thing i noticed was that my entire body was in contact with the floor, and my darned feet were still flopping ineffectually, though they've changed their location somewhat to draw lazy circles in the air. which added a whole new dimension of fear in my limited consciousness cos at that juncture in time, it'd take a seriously out of it person to not realise that i was in a fair bit of trouble. i didn't know what i was doing, i didn't know how to stop doing whatever it was that i'm doing, and worst of all i didn't quite know where i was, either. i guess i was in clinical disorientation. having a body that felt as though it was filled to the brim with molten rubber and some iron was no joke, especially when one is thirsty, tired, sleepy, dazed and a little confused. ok, very confused. so basically there i lay in the gap between my bed and cabinet, flopping like a lethargic fish that hasn't been paid in weeks, and trying to enunciate some form of verbal plea for help but my brain didn't quite understand what it wanted to do, so that carried on for some time (honestly i have no idea how much time elapsed while i was doing that stupid thing) until i managed to get my elbow onto the bed's rim and somehow mustered enough energy to push one side of my body up. so at least that was something. so i tried to stand again, and back down i went, and at that point in time i guess enough fear had kicked in for me to realise i was in seriously deep shit so i used the last bit of energy left in my iron-filled bones to propel my body in a horizontal flip back into bed, and then everything went black.
by the time i next woke up, it was pitch dark, the family's gone to loolabyland, and i realised, to my horror, that i've given myself quite a few nice bruises that hurt like mad all over my body when i was doing that fishy imitation. actually it didn't hurt at all when i was actually physically on the floor doing the invertebrate hiphop dance... i guess some form of defense system is in place to block pain receptors when a person is clinging on to the very last fine shreds of consciousness. but the fortunate thing was that i've regained control of my accursed limbs, even if the control, so to speak, was still incredibly wobbly and brought on dizzy spells when i tried to play around with my newfound mobility by visiting the loo.
i'm glad to say that i'm already much better now... which is exactly why u see me online typing this. haha :D i couldn't even look straight at anything for the past 2 days without feeling like i was going to throw up or collapse. haha. all that's left to remind me of the excitement of the past 2 days is a heck of a headache, bodyaches, some dizziness here and there and some GIT discomfort. oh well :D haha. i think it's really been a surreal experience... usually people either black out or don't, so i must say that being undecided about the state of consciousness for such a protracted period of time is entirely new to me. haha. and the doctor was saying it looks like dengue, so if i don't get better by today i'd have to go for blood tests! so yayness. and thank God i don't have funny petechaie, though the really ridiculously big bruises are starting to turn a funky yellow-purple and that sucks, too. but most of all i would totally ABHOR the idea of not being able to go batam this weekend! haha. and if i estimate the number of hourse i've been sleeping for the past 2 days, it'd be close to 19hrs per day. meaning i've spent 79.17% of the past 48hrs asleep. wow. now that's what i call a record, man.
haha. and i'm tired already! well i'm lagging behind terribly on a lot of admin stuff to settle for foc and matric and mission trip, so i'd better preserve my limited energy and finish up my work..... so that i can sleep (again)!!!!!!! :P

mugging capacity = <0.0000005%

been less than focussed on my work recently... tend to find lazy reasons not to sit down for a good chapter of germs, brain or drugs. managed to pry myself from the google box just now for an hour of self-enrichment in neuroscience... i think you guys can guess the outcome. oh well at least i know about 5 pages of neuroscience more than, maybe, 2 people in med fac??? *shrilly* aaargh. intense frustration at my ineptitude, not because i wasn't given the opportunity or chance to, not because i lack the resources to, but because i'm a stumbling block to my own progress! sigh. have to paste reading resolutions list on my forehead and walk around blowing a shard of scrap paper before me. haha :D anyway. i think i'm just particularly inertia-rich when it comes to topics i deem bland or tedious... it's quite apparent, actually. i mean, see. i'm at chapter 2 of pharmaco and chapter 6 of microb... and page 5 of freaking neuroscience. haha. there's DEFINITELY a direct correlation between my perception of a subject and my conscientiousness towards it. ah, the fallibility of humans... is discrimination and bias the root of failure? nah... that's simplifying things beyond their base forms. sorta like telling a man that why he's a down-and-out wino, stranded on the cold streets and left to shame in public, is cos he's short, or bald, or whatever. not that any of these physical characteristics are derogatory to a person's character in any way... in fact, i think a bald pate heralds an astonishingly high IQ in the bearer. haha. refer to previous posts about my surgeon and doctor for this claim... :D oh well. and i'm a typical female, deemed to be fickle-minded and flighty by virtue of the double X in my haplotype - i virtually bounced around my patho book looking for nice little disease states that i could identify with or am familiar with. haha.
tomorrow marks the start of a fresh attempt at brushing up my acedemic performace! i think it'd be a real shame if i didn't make good use of this holidays to work hard, cos i'm not gifted or talented unlike so many in med fac... i will fail miserably if i were to study a week before any exams! haha :D i'm the kind who needs a month at least to prepare, so there's no reason at all why i should indulge myself this hols and let my brain vegetate completely... actually it's been rotting for a long time now, just that i adamantly refuse to acknowledge that fact haha :D oh well. i'll preserve whatever i can and salvage whatever is left, and whatever is irretrievably, irrevocably gone, i sell as bio-friendly manure :D good source of income, considering the sheer amount i have of it, and that i can't do any botany without sending some poor plant to its untimely death.
was just daydreaming just now. actually i'm more than a bit apprehensive about the upcoming mission trip, not least because i feel that God is trying to tell me something by planting someone close to me. i know He hears my prayers, but whether this is His answer to me, i don't know. i can only continue to pray and seek His will. but being the daydreamy little girl that i'm wont to be (when i'm not preoccupied with being attila the hun) i abandoned by cerebral thoughts and sought refuge in the encapsulating comfort of fantasies.

scene: in a park, on a wooden bench, facing the verdant stretch of grass still wet with morning dew beneath their feet and the still, obsidian waters of the mini pond in the park. boy turns to face girl, who has a small clump of little red flowers in her hands, the type we used to pull off the bushes to suck their sap when we were young.

boy: i've fallen for you.
girl: oh... *looks shyly at her feet*
boy: do you... do you like me?
- in his heart, he's dying of anxiety and anticipation, fear of rejection and embarrassment. more than anything, he's wondering why he's worked up the guts to say such a thing, and he wants desperately for her to answer, but she wouldn't. -
a silent moment passes. it's starting to get a little awkward, with the girl blushing and pointedly refusing to answer his question, and the boy feigning nonchalence when his very soul is quivering inside.
without warning, she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. it was less than 2 seconds, but the warm, dry, chaste and shy kiss seems engraved permanently on the boy, who finds himself dumb, both literally and figuratively, by the move.
girl: actually... i've fallen for you a long time ago...

haha. i wrote it in chinese and pasted it on my daiso cork board... it sounds more poetic in chinese. i'm a sucker for day to day romanticism... not valentine's day 99 roses and all. it's little moments like these that are etched in my heart and remain as memories that i carry of my past relationships... and moments like these that i yearn for in my future relationships.

God, if you read my blog, please please please answer me with this mission trip... :)

psyche and a bit of necropsy

Your Psyche is Yellow

You have a ton of energy - both physical and mental endurance. You are rational and logical, and you can help almost anyone think clearly. Optimistic and bright, you also have a secret side that's a little darker. When you are too yellow: You will do anything to get your way, and no one will be the wiser When you don't have enough yellow: you lack confidence, drive, and humor

What Color Is Your Psyche?

haha i don't like yellow! ever since my mum told me i looked like a roll of lard in my bright yellow swimsuit back in... pri school. haha. can't fault her on that! i really did look like one... even without the yellow swimsuit :D

You Are Duck

Exotic and unusual, you are a bit of a rare bird - literally. You're known for being soft and succulent, though at times you can be a bit greasy.

What Kind of Meat Are You?

hahahahahahahahaha~~~~~~~~~~ nothing to say!

Your Pride Quotient: 27%

You're a little prideful, but nothing out of the norm. Like everyone, you enjoy attention. But you're also good at sharing the spotlight!

How Much Pride Do You Have?

ha! and i thought with such a stubborn mule character as mine, i'd be more conscious of my "face" than anything else... maybe the questions weren't specific enough haha :P

The Part of You That No One Sees

You are balanced, peaceful, and sincere. You're the type of person who goes along to get along. And you're definitely afraid of rocking the boat. Underneath it all, you fear your world falling apart. You'll put up with a situation that you don't like in fear of changing it. Disruptive and forceful people intimidate you - and sometimes exploit you.

What's the Part of You That No One Sees?

TRUE!!!! TRUE!!!!!!!! :D haha. enough self-revelations for tonight!

being single? here's a crap reason why...

You Don't Have a Boyfriend Because You are Too Forward

No doubt that you've got game Just a little too much game for some guys Maybe it's just that some men like a challenge Or they think they're not challenging enough for you!

Why Don't You Have a Boyfriend?

hmmm... can't complain. comes with a type A and ESTJ personality i guess :) right, sociology-nuts??? :D

pizza face~

Pepperoni Pizza

Robust and dominant. When you go for something, you go full force. You tend to take control of situations easily. And in return, you get a ton of respect.

What's Your Pizza Personality?

apprehension and tension. good for constipation.

am waiting for a call from my churchmate. it's time, once again, for the weekly prayer chain.

was greatly ministered to by the message at sermon today. God answers me so blaringly and clearly that i still wonder in drop-jawed amazement at how some people can't feel Him in their lives. i guess it's just not the right time, so God shrouds Himself in a cloak of secrecy till He's sure the person doesn't drop dead from an AMI when He reveals Himself suddenly, say, from the water pipe in the toilet when the said person is... using the toilet. yes.

am still chuckling in amusement when slummi says he feels and talks to God best when he's in the toilet. oh well. whatever works, man!

had a spat of disagreement with my mum 2 days ago, regarding my finances. i agree that i am partly to blame, but i was... very broken by the things she said and how she viewed me far below her money. it was almost as if she didn't want me, but 6000 dollars instead. i cried for a long, long time after i apologised with a faux cheery facade to her.

can't really remember the last time i felt so broken. so... hurt and dejected. i guess i'm thick-skinned by nature and reinforced by cultivation, so it takes quite a bit to break me down. i guess that was the point when i couldn't hold it together anymore... i remember i was lost in a thick red haze of anger and hatred the next day. planning how to draw up lists of evidence to prove myself right and to throw it in her face insultingly.

but God reined in my anger. despite the tight head and sore eyes, despite the broiling anger fanned gleefully by Satan, God sent my father to speak to me about forgiveness. He prompted me to think about what it means to be His child through my father's advice.

at 2.10pm that day, i gave her pastries bought from a quaint traditional bakery in holland village and enclosed a letter, carefully worded, of explanation.

unfortunately, she rejected both on the spot. i didn't want to spark another argument, so i went to ask for a job interview and left the things behind.

she placed the pastries in the fridge at night when she came home. my first thought was: uh-oh. she's rejected it.
my second thought was: well not really. if she's still REALLY mad she'd have thrown it away. so i checked the plastic bag - the letter was gone. didn't know if it was a good or bad thing. prayed for God to interceed.

silly me... He already had.

the relationship between us has been fully repaired today. even though it hurts so badly and stings like heck to bow and say i'm wrong, even though it's still a humiliation to a mortal like me to have to pander to the demands of an unreasonable person, i fall to my knees and praise God with all my soul.

He has shown me what it is to love. love is not only in fair weather. love is not only when there's something to be gained. love does not need reciprocation. these are all mortal love... Godly love is so much purer, so much more joyous, so much more comforting and fulfilling.

i languished in pain on thursday night, was fretful and angry on friday, was slowly soothed and given new direction and motivation by prayer on saturday, and entirely renewed and rejuvenated today.

i shall dig out my nice beautiful poster on the beatitudes and remind myself daily of the love-filled promise God has made me. imperfect as i am, i know He is just standing there and waiting for me with His arms outstretched, just like a delighted parent holds his hands out firmly, ready to catch and comfort and praise the child who's taking the first step towards him. i could never have made such a breakthrough a year ago... i'd have stewed merrily in anger and self-pity, not knowing that the fiery grudges that burn in my heart are fuel for Satan's eternal fire.

and even now, as i comprehend the many repercussions of my sprendthrifty ways of the past 2 years, i realise that God has put me through this trial to test my faith. i'm so glad to have the support and love from the brothers and sisters in Christ who have stood steadfastly beside me to give me encouragement in verses and advice... and He had meant, right from the start, to teach me to love, to build my faith, to build my dependence on Him, and to correct me on my wayward habits of spending at will without proper thought. i really thank my mum for instilling in me once again the virtue of spending no more than 50% of what i get or earn... and i thank my dad for allowing me to take allowance from him during this period as i kickstart my "quitting" cycle to rid myself of this sin. with proper plannng, i know that i'll be able to get back my mum's trust in me for financial management... and i'll have a fresh foundation to build my adulthood lifestyle on. it's really quite valuable to engrave the lesson of saving for tomorrow into my heart, especially in today's hedonistic world. but most of all, i thank God for giving my this opportunity to learn, and i thank Him for his being by my side all through this. i know that it hurts Him as much as it hurts me to endure such painful lessons, but i'm grateful to Him that He has brought me through safely and unscathed, wiser and with a brand new testimony that'll one day rock the life of a person He wants me to meet... and that will be a brand new chapter of a person's new life in Christ.

i'm really looking forward to life now :)

i'm full of anticipation, anxiety and a bit of anal-retention about the upcoming trip to thailand! please pray for my team as we prepare for it, that we will be able to bring forth powerful testimonies and truly shake the foundations of faith for His glory in that land... and that we will know the right words to say and right things to do, by the grace of the Holy Spirit's prompting. and of course, please pray for health and harmony between each and every member of the team, that we will indeed emerge from this experience bonded fiercely by the blood of Christ, and that we will use this experience to testify powerfully for Him in days to come.

gotta go plan the things to pack... unofficial medic of the team :) am wondering how ironic it'd be if i didn't prepare adequately! so i'd better :D

ham sandwich!!!!!!!!!

You Are a Ham Sandwich

You are quiet, understated, and a great comfort to all of your friends. Over time, you have proven yourself as loyal and steadfast. And you are by no means boring. You do well in any situation - from fancy to laid back. Your best friend: The Turkey Sandwich Your mortal enemy: The Grilled Cheese Sandwich

What Kind of Sandwich Are You?

i can't believe i've outphiled dr phil, whoever he is...

Your EQ is 153

50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick! 51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese. 71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely. 91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that. 111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt. 131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin. 150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

thank God~and please be with us now

ah. what crap. can't the blogger people fix this darned wrong posting format? :P it's really quite a nuisance to see this totally distorted, fractured, a little tortured frame. not sure i can really write when i see formerly familiar settings twisted gruesomely :P
anyway. results are out... first year of medical school, concluded with A-, B, and B+. incredibly amazing if you ask me... keeping in mind that i was admitted with an acedemic score half of my counterparts' :D but honestly, i'd like to thank God for this. i couldn't possibly have done it... and i know He did it to tell me that i haven't been giving Him enough trust, faith and credit... and it's true! haha :D i'm not ashamed to tell anyone that i have been less than completely trusting in Him, even though He has never failed to be with me every time i ask for Him to. it's a human fallibility i guess. our faith is frail and our resolve is weak, because we trust in our physical capabilities more than something intangible and (sometimes) imperceptible. we need concrete evidence. we need to "see to believe"... and God knows. so that's why He, even though i can already imagine Him sighing heavily in heaven as He senses the portion of unyielding heart in me, is so determined to prove me wrong by bestowing results way, way, way beyond my expectations. He brings me back to the place when i first fell to my knees and confessed that He is my Saviour, time and again He fulfils me and grants me reprieve from my worries.
i cannot imagine not having Him in my life. and yet, as any blemished human will tell you, i turn complacent in times of prosperity.
oh God i can only pray that You will not deign to suffer upon me the trials that You brought upon those who refused You... that You will have mercy and guide me to You by means of gentle ways. i've just read dante's inferno... God's wrath is something i wouldn't want to mess around with :P
gotta drill into my head what Jesus said to Thomas, on the night He returned to His disciples: "because you have seen, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet believed." -- John 20:29
to my darling muamua... don't be discouraged. it's easy to feel disgruntled and let dispair overcome you, but i'll always pray for our Heavenly Father to be with you every step of the way even as you gear up for this final fight. you can and you will do it, and i believe that at the end of it all, you will rise up a stronger Christian, with a powerful testimony that will shatter many embittered and hardened hearts for God's glory. and i'll be with you any single moment you call for me to be there... even though i must say that my repertoire of knowledge is far from satisfactory. but i just want to be physically and emotionally there for you, a pillar and a pillow... and i want you to sms me whe u're down k? :D there're many others who love you as much and even more than i do, and we're all here to help you past this barrier. they'll let you tap on their brains and i'll be your inflatable soft toy! :D

the blogger board doesn't work but i'm still high on worship

in the secret, in the quiet place
in the stillness You are there
in the secret, in the quiet hour i wait
only for You
cos i want to know You more

i want to know You
i want to hear Your voice
i want to know You more

i want to touch You
i want to see Your face
i want to know You more

i am reaching for the highest goal
that i might receive the prize
pressing onwards, pushing every hindrance aside
out of my way
cos i want to know You more

i want to know You
i want to hear Your voice
i want to know You more

i want to touch You
i want to see Your face
i want to know You more


any more plaintive, any more true, any more beautiful, and i will shatter into shards of glass.

hallelujah, Jesus.