caught short

heya!
interesting things have happened since i last left my potently poisonous thoughts here! i see they're still smouldering :) *waves absently at the smoke* anyway. let's tackle them one by one.

i tried tickle's IQ test - utterly reminiscent of the pri 3 workbooks that my terrorist teachers dropped merrily onto my cluttered head (thus incurring permanent neurone death) and which got me a place for consideration in Rosyth or Nanyang. Up till today I still feel very proud for not uprooting into the land fertile with nutritious, brainy brains, a decision which led to one of the most fulfilling careers in my life as a student leader as well as, SHOCKINGLY AND SCANDALOUSLY, an outstanding pupil of the year. well anyway. tickle's phD test designers proclaim me to be a visionary philosopher. they might as well call me a shitting shitter for all the difference it makes to my puny ignorant brain. hahahaha :D my IQ score is, disappointingly, 136 only. lol. so i'm not, as i thought, very smart. haha. eh pam! do it and tell me if the einstein head they show at the end with ur results is groaning cos of ur stratospheric scores that're indescribable simply because those phD designers haven't had the (mediocre) brainpower to come up with a 2-word description of a person with an IQ score of 307.

*i can just about hear denise say exasperatedly: why DO I CARE what my IQ is???*
*and kn with her 2 cents' worth: wah, 136 arh, NANA so smart... i only 189 lar. so lousy.* *shuffles off and mopes*
*NANA graciously presents KN with a well-placed knuckle on the philtrum*

today i became an accomplice to crime and was nearly arrested by a well-built malay official from the Ministry of labour! and i discovered that neural pathways that're responsible for transmitting shock signals (manifested in humans by means of jaw dropping, involuntary drooling and the like) are instantaneously blocked and rewired to observe the most insignificant minutiae of the face of a threatening figure when in shock. perhaps i ought to perform some behavorial tests and claim my nobel prize for socio-psychology :D let me tell you what happened!
i nodded off to sleep on the bus ferrying fellow scientists and me to buona vista after work today... as usual (well, for the past week, actually) i was as lethargic as a alcohol-ed nematode and utterly ravenous (more like itchy mouth) after work. and lo and behold! i was thinking of curry puffs and poof! a young malay chap with a styrofoam box full of curry puffs appeared at the covered overhead bridge from the bus stop to the mrt station! it was miraculous. so i merrily fished out my wallet and told him i wanted sardine flavoured puffs. he promptly dug around for a pack of green dotted puffs (green dots means sardines, and unspeckled ones are potatoes - the UNIVERSAL code for 3 for-$1 curry puffs!!) and passed them to me. i passed him a 2 dollar note. he handed me a dollar coin's change. and then...

his collar was roughly snatched up and forwards by a burly yellow t-shirted man who shoved a identity pass in the poor guy's feckless face and trussed his arms behind his back. all these happened in a split second - i barely registered the fact that i had just bought puffs from an illegal hawker when the burly puff-seller-accoster (who looked like an overstuffed tweety after a nuclear leak and probably had a couple too many puffs himself) turned to me, eyed the incriminating bag of puffs i had clutched in my ice-cold hands and growled,"Please leave the premises."

oh my. i didn't need telling twice: i just grabbed my bag and hauled ass! and meanwhile everyone behind me was boring individual pairs of laser holes through me cos they probably thought i was:

1. an accomplice to the malay hawker who got an unfair lucky break from the official, leading to insanely furious accusations that i probably bribed the yellow canary-like official with special puffs with extra egg or abalone or whatever, or
2. i was an informant. a stinking, blue-cheese-infested, sneaking and utterly despicable informant.

suddenly i didn't want the puffs anymore, but they still cost me 1 dollar, and 1 dollar is money, so i hurriedly stuffed them into my bag and hoped nobody would suddenly turn around on the train and point a gnarly finger at me, screeching: "YOU'VE PUT HIM BEHIND BARS!!!!!!!"

well. if we think logically, the rough action was probably to intimidate the errant hawker into compliance. and he probably would be fined, not jailed. unless he's a repeated, unrepentant offender. and we all know what God does to such recalcitrant socially-inepts: toss them to Satan for barbecuing! yay. ok. so grilled hawker with sambal isn't very palatable, but then again i felt slightly less guilty about it after it dawned on me that i contributed a dollar towards his fine-to-be.

yes. what an exciting, introspective kind of day.
i'm looking to a run-in with mr canary again tml when i suddenly find myself with an insatiable craving for fried springrolls sold by yet another license-less hawker.

and does anyone want to watch THE MAGIC FUNDOSHI? tickets at 18 each for the cheapest seats, opening on apr 16. it looks really hilarious! :) although hossan leong and kumar are all stuck up snobs in real life.

and i don't even want to go into emma yong! *scuttles off in fear*