trepidation feels so numb.

received the long-dreaded results today. to protect the already dangerously-frayed sanities of my friends, i shall not continue to comment on my grades beyond the purest technical description.

GP: A1
Math: B
Econs: B
Chem: A
Bio: A

suffice it to say that i am the first human to experience eyebrow-lifting at stratospheric heights. and suffice it to say that i was so shocked that my lacrimal glands gave up on me altogether and i could not, simply COULD NOT, squeeze out a single tear. in fact my face looks exactly like mr bean just as he realises that his swimming trunks have fallen off his body.

my parents are over the moon, of course. like the proverbial cow. or cows. hurhur.

it's well known that this round of exams was significantly harder and less run-of-the-mill compared to the multitudes of TYS qns we slaved over prior to the actual thing. i guess this accounts for some of the less-than-expected results. but i wouldn't know. apparently i'm not the only person who did not finish her papers (of 3 subjects) but still passed. and despite the migraine, i would like to venture out on a foot and say thank you to guo meimei. your cockroach song has done wonders. i suppose juniors taking economics ought to invest in this CD and practise their essays to its beats.

what next? doing chem mcqs to the tune of Shnappi????? *faints facedown to floor*

i would still have 3 hurdles to cross before i can get anywhere close to realising my childhood ambition: becoming a doctor. namely the shortlisting process, the written test, and the interviews (2 rounds). i do have 2 backup plans, one of which relies heavily on my to-be-published scientific papers. i shall cease to speculate and will not comment on my future simply because nothing is predictable enough for me to declare confidently now.

i did not feel particularly released today (as what denise describes), or relieved, or happy, or sad, or whatever heart-rending tear-wrenching emotions that nearly everyone else experienced. i was pretty much numb. and i do faintly recall with bemusement what i was pretty lucky not to have deferred.

was i scared? probably yes. was i nervous? definitely yes. was i intimidated at the thought of facing multiple fails? very definitely yes.

but somehow when you add all these together you get a clean slate in your mind. :)