the fall of the OMELETTE

one fine day, the EVIL omelette was taking a stroll through the Garden of Strong Swiss Cheese. As all EVIL omelettes do, it walked with its head (the frothy egg white bit) high up in the air and snorted superciliously at anyone who passed and deigned to sneak a glance at its awfully EVIL silhouette. it had a motley crew of capsicum bits, mushroom bits and the most fearsome servant of all, ONION bits trailing behind its glowering shadow of DOOM, waiting to fulfil and satisfy every whim and fancy that caught His Evil Lordship's eye (the EGG YOLK) with every inch and fibre of their obsequious, subservient (but secretly rebellious)... err... FIBRES.

TEO (the EVIL omelette): that pebble looks fat. it looks like a boulder.
servants (in nasal falsetto unison): YES ME LORD.
TEO: and sooOOOOO???
S: YES ME LORD. WE WILL ANNIHILATE THE BOLD BOULDER LIKE PEBBLE.
*massive groaning effort as the last capsicum bit hauls out the laser gun and passes it army drill style to the next in line until the (nearly sunburnt) onion captain got it and fired off a wobbly shot at the offending pebble*
*the shot misses*
TEO: FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLL!!!!!!
*grabs laser gun using its albumin-saturated ectoplasmic pseudopodia and fires an EVEN wobblier shot at the increasingly offending pebble*
*the shot misses and goes so damned wide that it turned back after 500m of flight (by some crap unproveable physics law) and went deep in the hypodermal fascia of our dearest EVIL omelette*
TEO: AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! *^%& &*^^& (^%&$%$ ^%^^^ ^*()_%$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(translation is unavailable owing to the use of overtly primitive and crude vulgarities, as well as the freaking ruling about the use of inappropriate language and defamatory statements (mostly concerning the state of one's sexual deprivation) on the internet)

now the servants decided that the King was weakened (by his own sheer stupidity, ahem, we meant ineptitude, errr, no scratch that. by his... indisposedness?? whatever.) and so the time has come to USURP the throne. and naturally the leader of the pack had first dibs on the gaping wide BUTTHOLE on the omelette's derriere, and it LEAPT RIGHT IN.

*START OF SHAMELESS PLUG* will the onion captain survive the oozy slimy innards of the fallen omelette??? will he drown in CHOLESTEROL and die a triglyceride, we mean, tragic death??? *end of SHAMELESS PLUG* carry on watching this space for more if you want to know how a ginger-and-white patched Hungarian speaking fox and a spoon with a constipation comes into this warped tale!!! :D

~the EVIL omelette: first of the many sagas~

at the beginning, there was no light. there was only darkness.
and God spoke. "Let there be LIGHT!" His forceful voice reverberated throughout the galaxies and ramified throughout the many many subatomic particles floating aimlessly in antimatter (maybe cos they were trying to zone out after reading too much Snell). and so there was light, and all was bright, and God saw that it was good. (prior to that it was pretty hard to see anything at all :P)

and then there was separation of the land and heaven, and of the land came forth water, bountiful quantities of it to irrigate the lands of the future inhabitants of the land.

God smiled and saw that it was all very good. but there was no life. so God created the first man and the first woman (out of NOT the first rib, NOR the last rib of man, but from CHUNKS of the last 3 ribs of man, bilaterally, and taking most of the last 3 costal cartilages with it. why? cos the last 3 ribs are floating ribs, and dammit, if ribs were meant to float then what are we doing with luxury cruiseliners???) and this laid the foundation for future medical students as they recognized the law: Man will have chest pain, and the chest pain arises from Woman (cardiothoracic law of the Serene NANA). and God took pity on them as they had nothing to entertain themselves with (yes, no MVs, sadly) so God created animals. but the problem was, what to create first? there is, currently, gazillions of species of non-homo-sapiens cohabiting Earth with us, so it must have been quite a significant event in heaven when God moulded the first animal to share Man's inheritance of the land. God was ingenius. In fact, God was so omniscient and all knowing and powerful that he saw only ONE solution to the problem - he had to create an EGG. (so now we all know that eggs come BEFORE chickens. and that is the law of the Serene NANA - see the entry in the encyclopedia under miscellaneous laws and TALK COCK rules)

so there was an egg. it was ellipsoidal, and it was encased in a homogeneous layer of calcium carbonate, and it was porous. and all was good. Man and Woman came before the egg, and were amazed by its perfection. so for 3 days and 3 nights they gazed upon the egg with the utmost concentration.

at the end of the 3rd night, bordering on the 4th day's dawn, Woman turned to Man and said, "I've had enough." (in a tone that is miraculously preserved throughout the centuries and demonstrated in the Woman Who Watches 5 HOURS of EPL Direct Broadcast With Her Spouse)

Man took his eyes away from the egg and looked at Woman. He saw that they were becoming emaciated from malnutrition, and were beginning to exhibit the signs of kwashiorkor due to the failure to acquire sufficient essential dietary amino acids. This would lead to the downfall of Man (and Woman, for the rabid feminists out there) if nothing was done. Being primitively intelligent (simply cos there was nothing to compare their intelligence to on Earth at that point in time), Man looked at the egg in closer detail and found that the egg came with a piece of dietary recommendations datasheet, typed in Arial font size 6 (primitive Man's eyesight was probably good due to the need to hunt subsequently). and he saw that the egg was nutritious.

5 hours later, Man broke open the first egg, and cooked it on a hot stone while Woman watched. (this is basically reflected in modern househusband-run families, though the Woman component most likely doesn't stop at merely watching as a disinterested spectator anymore - add in nagging, complaints and condescending remarks as required.)

the freshly cooked egg was perfect in its colour distribution, with concentric peripheries demarcating the yellow (median) centre and the white (lateral) yolk. it was such a perfectly cooked egg that Man felt proud of it, and called it OMELETTE.

OMELETTE was an intrinsically nice egg, because it arose from God's desire to entertain Man. however, the stone on which OMELETTE arose from egg was tainted with EVIL tissue-factor-activated-Factor-7, and this caused coagulation, and the coagulation was a cascade, and this caused EVILNESS. the runny egg was oblivious to its impending doom and fall from grace into the abyss of HIGH CHOLESTEROL in the blasted land of Rhoades&Tanner Island, as it basked merrily and peacefully in the sun waiting to be cooked. when the egg was fully cooked, it found that it had metamorphosized into an EVIL OMELETTE, with an evil glint in the yellow edge and bubbles of congealed albumin along the periphery of the egg white of such BLINDING EVILNESS that it nearly rivalled that of the ONION PANCAKE's. (but this will come later)

and thus we have the EVIL OMELETTE. do you QUIVER in fear? do you SHAKE in fright? do you STUTTER in agony? ah, all you worthless minions, to be trodden underneath the EVILNESS of the OMELETTE, beware.

for the sequel is coming.

haven't been blogging for nearly an aeon now... *huffing and puffing and choking on the dust floating up from the blog* speaks volumes about my ability to perform basal maintenance on my intellectual property. not that it's worth anymore than the dust coating it jealously, but then after all it used to be the product of my long-dysfunctional neurones ^_^

anyways. let's talk about my very eventful medical school life.

it's tough. it didn't seem to be overwhelmingly demanding when i first stepped into the lt for the first lecture of my med sch life, but fact has proven otherwise *in a hugely raucous manner to boot*. anatomy has been a breathtaking whirl of facts and minute details that threaten to drown those who Do Not Read Their Snells/Moores Before Pract. so what happens goes roughly like this for these unfortunately un-diligent denizens of m1:

*SIDENOTE* alvin, daryl and yihern shall henceforth be named TBT (the bermuda triangle, bound by The Yihern in the most inland corner and The Daryl in the outermost marine corner, with The Alvin making up the boundaries joing the above 2 constituents - why TBT is cos anyone normal who goes near them during anat practs invariable get LOST)

clueless guy/gal/me: oh. yay another exciting pract. *tries to breathe shallowly cos of the formalin fumes emanating from the preserved Once Living Human Bodies)
TBT: YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY another EXCITING pract! time to DEMONSTRATE our superior intellecual powers, boys! *alvin gets too excited and starts choking on the fumes, but it doesn't dampen his enthusiasm a single iota*
me: *pokes flaccid muscle with my finger* so what's this?
TBT: if you look closely, this is the lateral border of the teres major which inserts in the inferior angle of the scapula, and directly above this along the medial border of the scapula you see the insertion of the teres minor, and then you see this REALLY FASCINATING ridge here, so prominent, it's the spine, and hence you get these 2 zones called the infraspinatus and supraspinatus and yadayadayada... *eyes bulge out resembling the appearance of a patient with advanced Graves' disease*
me: *takes 2 frightened steps back* uh, yeah. ok. errr. ok then what's this? *ruffles thru the atlas and failing to identify any greyish strings of tattered musculature hanging languidly from the abducted arm*
TBT: AHHHHHHHHH. *satisfied sigh* i'm GLAD you asked this - this is my favourite!!! veins!!!! :D *maniacal grin*
me: *runs away screaming* but I'm NOT GLAD i asked!!!!!!

afterword: i returned home, stared glumly at my snell, measured its thickness, and failed to read up for the NEXT pract yet again. and the positive feedback cycle resumes.

further horror stories for physio and biochem to follow... ^_^