yowza

yo all!

i shall emulate olly's highly emulative example and post something on this freakingly old and dusty blog! I wonder if online diaries can collect dust? They just lose their spontaneity and allure after a while... Makes me feel like i'm doing a rote report of my life. Which is 99% sordid affairs and dirty jokes and 1% cranky psychosis :D

anyway... I really must state for the record that being out with kakis makes me exhilarated! so kakis: please ask me to be exhilarated! haha. and i realised that arcade mole-pop-up games are not only violent but wrist sprainingly fun! :D

can't think of anything particularly fun to talk about at the 'mo... except for my absolute liking for this guy... but it's off bounds! off bounds! *Shoo*

heist

hey all.
haven't aired my dirty laundry up here for a long while. not that i haven't got any new dirty laundry to air, but more like i've been overwhelmed by the sheer amount of sirty laundry i can have. maybe i'm still reeling in shock. ha. my eloquence has flown merrily out the window together with my wits and they both said cheerio, adios.

not a good sign. when one's eloquence and wits wave bright yellow sun-brollies at a gape-mouthed oneself and sing happy holiday songs and basically abondon one when one needs them most.

been dogged by a couple of nasty infections lately. They certainly knew how to antagonize me to their fullest potential by popping up just right after the release of results and the commencement of the flurry-hectic-panic application cycle. so happily i was, stuck in a hospital bed (deja vu) gazing no-pointed-ly at the whitewashed ceiling whilst my multitudes of peers challenged each other to phalange-fracture by pecking furiously at their keyboards and waxing lyrical on why they'd make excellent scholarship or course candidates.

honestly i felt rather blissfully detached from the panic that everyone else was inevitably undergoing by not having a single application form in my presence. it wasn't until some innocuous little voice in my head (and i swear for the fifieth time i'm NOT schizophrenic) told me that the psc gateway closes (literally) on the 10th that i started panicking full force. which led the entire freaking ward to understand what a chao-loser i am (with lousy results) with an absolutely kiasu-kiasee attitude. ha.

but eventually i did manage to render whatever little bacteria-infected brain matter i had left into a 497 word essay, which i promptly submitted to the darned gateway at around 1am and just flopped like a dead convulsant fish onto the bed and writhed around making myself look perfectly like the backached-headached-eyeached dying fish that i wasn't.

anyway. people, learn from the great guru. do not sit like a shooting-range duck and wait for ur smartass doctor to instruct u... cos basically some of them can't be half-arsed enough to explain to you (since he/she reckons you're just like any of the other 5,673 braindead retards who're illiterate, uneducated and uncouth that they have to treat every year) and the other are just half-arsed enough to know that they don't know enough to put crap together to tell u shit. so they just keep mum, sit on your test results and nod their heads in a sagely/enlightened manner. do go online and trawl through the veritable trove of information (and tons of shit as well) and find out for yourself, through various sources, what exactly ought to be done. and don't be afraid to tell the half-arsed idiots that you want specific tests done if you read up enough to know that they're conclusive, useful tests. and apparently even the best need not necessarily be right (yes, yes, i know, holier than thou and all that) so get a second and a third opinion.

well anyway the above paragraph was an excerpt from my conversation with my boss. he's awfully concerned and nice. but if i don't haul my ass back on the double, even a nice man can have limits. so i am being a good obedient girl and resting at home. (well, mostly.) (ok, i TRY, ok?) (and yes, i know RESTING is stretching it a little bit.)

anyway. i found out most of what i needed to know from the internet regarding my bacteremia cultures. i think of the two, chryseobacterium meningosepticum is slightly more interesting. i say this, bearing in mind the key aspect of it being a lesser known isolate and role as an EMERGING infectious agent compared to pseudomonas aeruginosa, which we all already know is a common nosocomial infections agent. and apparently the fact that 2 out of 3 of my team doctors can't pronounce the name C. meningosepticum properly tickles me enough to put it at a slight headstart against its buddy pathogen. yup. its easy to google the names if you have them, and most of the stuff can be found from nature, pubmed or CDC (if you're dealing with infections). contrary to popular belief, nature does not publish articles solely related to the mating behavior of gorillas and alligators. they do medical papers too. and if the text is too arcane, check the online dictionary or come ask me!!!! *waves hands wildly in air*

people, is USP very elitist? and is anyone actually sacrificing an application slot just to fulfil the needs of a scholarship which i'm rather confident of not being awarded? gosh.

trepidation feels so numb.

received the long-dreaded results today. to protect the already dangerously-frayed sanities of my friends, i shall not continue to comment on my grades beyond the purest technical description.

GP: A1
Math: B
Econs: B
Chem: A
Bio: A

suffice it to say that i am the first human to experience eyebrow-lifting at stratospheric heights. and suffice it to say that i was so shocked that my lacrimal glands gave up on me altogether and i could not, simply COULD NOT, squeeze out a single tear. in fact my face looks exactly like mr bean just as he realises that his swimming trunks have fallen off his body.

my parents are over the moon, of course. like the proverbial cow. or cows. hurhur.

it's well known that this round of exams was significantly harder and less run-of-the-mill compared to the multitudes of TYS qns we slaved over prior to the actual thing. i guess this accounts for some of the less-than-expected results. but i wouldn't know. apparently i'm not the only person who did not finish her papers (of 3 subjects) but still passed. and despite the migraine, i would like to venture out on a foot and say thank you to guo meimei. your cockroach song has done wonders. i suppose juniors taking economics ought to invest in this CD and practise their essays to its beats.

what next? doing chem mcqs to the tune of Shnappi????? *faints facedown to floor*

i would still have 3 hurdles to cross before i can get anywhere close to realising my childhood ambition: becoming a doctor. namely the shortlisting process, the written test, and the interviews (2 rounds). i do have 2 backup plans, one of which relies heavily on my to-be-published scientific papers. i shall cease to speculate and will not comment on my future simply because nothing is predictable enough for me to declare confidently now.

i did not feel particularly released today (as what denise describes), or relieved, or happy, or sad, or whatever heart-rending tear-wrenching emotions that nearly everyone else experienced. i was pretty much numb. and i do faintly recall with bemusement what i was pretty lucky not to have deferred.

was i scared? probably yes. was i nervous? definitely yes. was i intimidated at the thought of facing multiple fails? very definitely yes.

but somehow when you add all these together you get a clean slate in your mind. :)