terminally retarded blog

heyas peeps. bored like hell and seated (once again) in front of a terminal in the medsoc room. oh, i just realized this is NOT medsoc room. this is the room next to medsoc room. hurhur (big difference) anyway this is the Room With The Annoying Beeping Alarm When The Door Is Opened For More Than 1 Nanosecond and Has Blardy Cold Aircon and Is Perennially Inhabited By DOTA-Mad Seniors. who have just collectively emitted a primal cry of dismay (apparently some vital bits of colour that stand for their player motifs on their screens have just been annihilated. muahaha). i have never understood the (inexplicable) attraction of computer games to males. it must be due to the fact that the male brain is an ancient, faulty prototype of the much more advanced female brain, and is hence more susceptible to the ultrasonic lull of the computer game theme songs.

*girl and guy walks past a games shop hawking the latest gory computer game starring some electronic nymphet with impossibly huge assets that threaten to overflow out of the ZZZ cup bra she's wearing whenever she moves her body to dodge a bullet or whatever*
girl: hey look - there's a sale in front with NEW bags and shoes from what i saw 5hrs ago!!!!
guy: uh, yeah. *jerks his head back* oh i saw something.
girl: come with me to the sale!!!!! *yanks the guy forward*
guy: *drooling* ooooooooohhhhh... new game... all hail... the... new gg-.. game....
girl: COME OVER!!!!!!!! NOW!!!!!!!!
*girl physically drags guy away from the lifesized cardboard poster of the game*

i'm sure this lively conversation is being carried out in 29 shopping malls islandwide as i type this sentence . haha. call it intuition, but then i stick to NANA Law 247 Part A: Guys are predictable AND programmable.

anyway. today is one day before float. which makes tml the day of reckoning of our days of toil and labour - days of making pad-like thingies from magazine pages and LOTS of masking tape and fashioning them into bricks, building up the pyramid from planks of glued wood, painting the behemoth-ian contruction and cellophan-ing the louvre side of the pyramid. i say behemoth, for i have yet to see the ship from KE7. it has been widely touted to be immensely admirable in size, for the hull measures as high as the entire height of our pyramid. i wonder how they managed to stick the other appendages onto the hull if it's so tall - we had to have various males from our OG climb onto chairs/stools/overturned paint cans to *piak!* the pad-like bricks onto the apex of the pyramid.

speaking of which, i profess i can no longer ignore the pangs of hunger in my tummy as i sit here waiting in vain for the guys from my OG to come. they will be here at 6pm :P by which time i shall be rendered dead and bak-kwa-ed from dehydration and malnutrition. hurhur :D i shall grab a bite from one of the canteens nearby. or maybe i should try the cafe. or maybe i should apply for the darned kopitiam card. okies. i've made up my mind, kopitiam it is.

scandals galore! talk has been rife of a certain SOMEONE who has amorous thoughts of our lovely miss jean, as well as a new fu1 qi1 dang3: SH and who else but mr radio himself. he, with his winsome *NOT* character, has been caught conversing EARNESTLY with miss SH during lunch yesterday. his eloquent, languid eyes professed his deep love for her as they chowed food together. anyway, i chalk one UP for SH!! haha way to go, girl! :D can't wait to marry off my new sistas from the OG. it's so lovely to see couples ^_^ haha. oh anyway. made a little faux pas just now when WL was talking to me. i can't even recall what it was that we were talking about (see how traumatic mistakes can cause instant amnesia :D) but i was trying to say "my OG's Brian" and somehow my brain decided to change it to "our Brian" midway, so the collective result was "my... Brian". and thus the HAMSAP old man decided to capitalize on my flaw in tongue as a Freudian slip :P sigh. talk about scandalous. anyway, i was asking him and steph's bf (shoots, forgot his name AGAIN!) about how it was possible to be attached when med students stick with a TINY 20-odd strong tut group all through the year and chances of finding a guy with deep jiu3 wo1s in my tut group is abysmally small. so the 2 love sages told me to ask my friends to intro guys from their group of friends. or i could always walk up to a group of people gathering around and talking crap and just contribute my own share of crap. (no prizes for guessing whose lousy idea this is hurhur) interestingly, i also read an article on HOOKED, an e-zine, about how to catch the guy you fancy (applicable to all girls and martin). the article was non-descript but the remarks posted against the article were indeed eyebrow-raising. there's a huge hoo-ha about how the author was trying to insinuate that guys from arts aren't as intelligent as guys from the more "pro" facs e.g. med and law. in my opinion, i think it's just a matter of "loosen up buddy, you're being too anal already". frankly speaking, people take offense at the tiniest suggestion nowadays. can't take a joke, really. it's appalling, cos the remarks posted were more like they were trying to vent their pent up frustrations and exaggerated anger out on the author on the basis of a flimsy, harmless suggestion. i didn't see the whole point of how people could go on and on endlessly about how it was a gruesome "insult" on arts guys (and even the arts fac as a whole) and how "bimbo" the author was because she was trying to write about how to get a guy. so this indicates that NUS people are no-lifers who can't take a joke and get sorely offended when people suggest that they need help in finding a partner. if you want to know what a true blue bimbo/brawn-without-brains does, check out the "pro" facs and u'll find that there're as many, if not more, such specimens than the allegedly "not-so-pro" facs like arts. and for goodness' sakes, the terrible personal insults and mudslinging exchanged on the forum were much much worse than those i'd expect to see amongst ignorant, self-centred adolescents, not near/full-adults in a tertiary institution. it's the perfect example of "a storm in a teacup" and "making a mountain out of a molehill". my first reaction after staring bug-eyed at the humongous list of comments on the article was: What's the big deal? yes, and i still can't see a reason behind the huge backlash, so call me philosophically challenged, but i guess i'll just keep quiet and roll my eyes :D

update about the scandals later! :D

update from Mount Rendezvous

ensconced in the chilled, comfy chair in medsoc room (or rather, the computer-endowed haven where DOTA-med students worship at daily). due to popular demand, i shall quickly provide a further elaboration on the lubby-dubby relationship between irene and zs (plus martin and zhihan).

irene: the hazelnutty eyed ingenue with near ethereal beauty and grace and intelligence. also bite sized (for easy portability) and has a mane of fine, long and luscious brown hair. *collective yummmmm from the og guys*

zs: sigh. do i have to repeat the fact that he's EDIBLE??? go girls. take a bite and prove me right. BUT BUT BUT save a bite for me :D hehe.

martin: hairless (allegedly WAXED *gasp*) physically-male-but-mentally-indeterminate persona. a little hazy on the description here, but sigh. i'm straight. so i have no idea what our effeminate co-star *ahem scratch that* *replace with martin* likes. hurhur.

zhihan: son of murky origins. purportedly, according to popular urban legend + ancient myth, the prodigious progeny of madamoiselle irene and sir ZS. (but how come the son is older than the parents, or at least younger than one of the parents, escapes my train of logic. haha.)

the story goes.... (in a misty glade in the celtic times ^_^)

I: *looking like the classical celtic nymph-goddess* oh ZS, ZS, wherefore art thou ZS?? (taking a cue from her soulmate aka Miss Juliet, who is born from Shakespeare's dusty mental recesses SEVERAL generations later. again, the regression in timeline defies understanding, but then it's always said that NANA's brain basically consists of a brainstem and a few neurones floating here and there. so the lack of understanding is, ironically, understandable.)
ZS: *looking like his darling's male counterpart* oh, my darling, herefore art I. (bad grammar not a liability of the producers)
*both throw themselves simultaneously into the loving embrace of his/her loved one*
*several steamy scenes later (censored for the benefit of the juveniles writing and reading this) the story continues*

ZS: oh I my dah-dah, have you heard of the latest grapevine news? we have a SON and he is zhihan!
I: *reels in shock* oh really ZS my dear?
ZS: i kid you not.
I: i wish you would stop talking like a stiffy old literature character. *sniffs disdainfully*
ZS: orh sorlie. liddat say, can or not, hunh?
I: can i kill you???
ZS: ah kill me not sweetheart for we have more pressing things to attend to. the son, arh, that zhihan, who is he and wherefore he comes? ah shit my language mess up already. alamak.
I: *takes a huge breath to stop herself from committing husband-icide* not from ME that's for sure. who is he? what does he look like? where does he stay? how do you know he's our SON?
ZS: i heard from ah-brian who heard from ah-shaun who heard from ah-hanjie who heard from ah-marc who heard from ah-
I: *tapes ZS's mouth with duct tape* just tell me the POINTS i want to know, thanks.
ZS: *muffled* he is our son and that is the truth. the stork told me.
I: *rolls eyes* so the STORK told you. i see.
ZS: and also we did a DNA test. and the results perfectly correlate the claim. a genotyping experiment is also running as we speak, which will further add credence to the story.
I: *looks faintly glassy eyed* uh, yeah.
*suddenly a tiny brown blob appears in the horizon and gets bigger as it runs towards the pair*
M: ah, my hump, my hump my hump my hump!
I: he calling me or you?
ZS: dunno. depends on his mood today... yesterday he went for guys and the day before it was girls.

*story to be continued*

oh, romeo, romeo, wherefore art thou romeo?

luuuurrrrrrrrrrrvvvvvvee has smothering the air in which we breathe for the past few weeks. love with a capital L. and a capital O. and while we're at it, a capital V and E as well. it's simply mind-boggling, the amount of saccharine dripping from the pores of everyone in close proximity to the purported scandalized couples within our OG. i wonder if people get hyPERglycemic from all this *aawww* sweetie-weedie talk and *B's trademark EH-EHHHH* smoochie-woochie acts :D but i AM amused (to no end) by the amazing sporting-ness of sarah and ZS because they simply act like the real thing. it's amazing. when scandals come your way, take it in your stride (like shaun haha) and put on your best shakespearean mask!

let's do a quick recount of the scandals in the OG so far (ahem you may want to tarpow food for the next 3 days if you intend to read this from start to finish haha):

1) our golden couple, sarah and ZS
sarah the beautiful damsel arrives at the second day of camp and stuns the pants off *nearly* all the guys in our OG by her unrivalled beauty and grace. (i'll talk about the nearly later! haha!) ZS the closet HAMSAP but outwardly dashing-delicious-cute-hunky-shuai guy eyes her and makes his move on MSN, broadcast *gleefully* by the OG RADIO, several days later. the wonderous and fairytale-like courtship and eventual virtual proposal is available on request at ONLY S$999.99 from the RADIO! get yours today! it may vastly improve your love life! (or send you into irretrievable despair from watching one too many saccharine courtships between jun-nans and mei-nus haha :D all mental anguish caused from the purchase of this proposal will not be our producer's liability)

2) marc and serena, the penultimate unrequited love story *TEAR JERKER spoiler ahead*
marc the wonderful Godly man, upright, righteous, full of principles and morals and everything nice (think powerpuff girls, the guy version and 3-in-1 somemore) is transfixed by the grace and equally Godly character of serena, our heroine. he finds opportunities to sit next to her, talk to her, establish eye contact with her, engage her in conversations purportedly *ahem* about their common friend in where? MGS issit? and eventually, declare his love (KABISH from marc) *deletes LOVE* *replaces with "preference"* for the perfect, flawless serena *goddess athena to the eye of the beholder, she is none but perfect, free from the tarnishes of the evil world, yadayada* during truth and dare at the idyllic tanjong beach. ahhhh, if only the confession wasn't under duress and in the presence of so many other busybodies. like a certain NANA we know. haha. ah, but the divine love story of compatible fellow Christians ends here, for our heroine's heart is already promised to another man. *pats marc's back as he weeps uncontrollably* sorry, marc.

3) WL and PX
it started with a bedtime confession to GH by WL: "i'm in love! i'm in love!!!". it continued with the disastrously inopportune insertion *also by the prodigious WL* of the following enquiry during the romantic proposal from ZS to sarah: "where's PX?". we at the RADIO department extrapolate with confidence that this epic tale of underground crushing will end happily with something along the lines of: "will you be my hazelnutty eyed one, oh PX?" nevermind that hazelnut eyes are the trademark rights of ZS's gf, nor the fact that PX's breathtaking beauty and charisma has already claimed the hearts of all but ONE guy in the OG. WL will win the hand of the fair lady in due course. *cues sagely nod by RADIO*

4) brian and jess
to quote from the ancient chinese adage: tian1 yi1 wu2 feng4. and also fu1 chang4 fu4 sui2. this couple has been romantically linked in the course of their "professional" duties. which is to disseminate and/or generate scandals of couples in the OG. and lo and behold, we see a SELF-FULFILLING prophecy here. now let's see what the RADIO has to say.
NANA: now brian. come confess. are you in love with the talented and winsome jess?
RADIO: *agitatedly* EH-EHHH, no scandals! i will not be dragged into a scandal! *backs away in fear*
NANA: now don't resist. resistance is futile. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
RADIO: how on earth did this scandal arise? i don't even know what was happening!!
NANA: errr. that's what most of your scandalized pairs say. so that means you and jess really got sparks lah.
RADIO: *in abysmal despair* ..........
*RADIO slinks off to coach biomed quiz instead of continuing further arguments about his scandals*

4) shaun and SH
rather non-descript, this romantic tale has yet to blossom into the highly diseased *ahem scratch that. replace with highly developed* state of the sarah-ZS union, but good things grow, isn't it? (or else we'll sue lipton for misleading little kids) we'll give them some time. so far, james has gladly acted as the moonman (yue4 lao3 for the uninitiated) by sending a msg to SH using shaun's phone, and we have collectively put the 2 fledging lovebirds onto the same kayak. will this beautiful tale sink or swim? we'll see! stay tuned for more.

other odds and ends (mostly weird crushes and even weirder BROKEBACKS):
1) irene and ZS, or irene and martin (following the super-bizarre lesbian in a man's body theory)
2) GH and sarah (errrr. no hope la man. sorry :P)
3) brian and PX, as well as ZS and PX, and all the guys in the OG and PX (with the sole exception of marc) - follows the same argument as #2 haha.
4) shaun and ZS? (been floating around like a truncated, dispirited ghoul without any true substance. but all cute guys attract people from both sexes. so says the Law of The Beautiful Bods.)

wow. see? epic love stories can take place in minuscule settings. Thou shalt not disparage the possibility of a legendary lovetale in a small OG, yes? :D